Diary of Ashez Entry 13

2/14/11

"Hearts"

Dear Diary,

Love was all around all day today. It's Valentines Day, which involves anything about the term "love". I used to think of that term as such blasphemy, as I had said in last year's Valentines entry. I hate to get into that now, but I am still happy with Sora. I love him, and I always will, because he is one of the most important things to me in this whole world, along with the rest of my family, including my daughter Karin, and our adoring puppy Nyu.
To start off how my day went, the 2010 film Valentines Day was on one of those HBO cable channels this morning, so I was watching it. It's a cute movie, so I enjoyed watching it. I kept watching until Karin woke up and came wandering in the living room sleepily while saying good morning to me in a tired voice. I looked over to say good morning back, but paused to see she was undressed. . . I asked her why she was undressed, she said with a yawn that she was too sleepy to go into her clothes. I blinked and offered to help her in her clothes, but she pouted and said she didn't want to get dressed yet. I blinked some more and just wondered why, but I had been doing alot of laundry lately and washing clothes. I was just going to get them anyways until she asked me what Valentines Day was. Again like I said in my previous entry, she had gone through horrible times that she didn't get to learn much.. I stopped and started to explain to her what today had meant, which was a day about love, when a couple spends the day with each other... Karin asked if there had any other meanings to it, but I replied that it was only anything involving love... She finally got it and said "Okay mommy" like an innocent child. I hugged her into an embrace and she giggled while hugging me back, and I just smiled down to her and petted her head. Then she told me she was ready to get dressed. I got her her clothes I washed for her and handed them to her, and she clapped happily before taking her clothes and running upstairs to get dressed. I sat there on the couch and kept watching the movie  while I waited for her to come back, but I was also wondering what to make for breakfast. Then Karin happily came back down and went over to hug me while suggesting we go out to eat for breakfast. Since I had a blockage from any ideas, I smiled and accepted the offer, but wondered where we should go. Karin thought for a moment, then asked if we would go to an Ihop. I nodded and Karin squeaked happily and clapped as I watched her smiling. She smiled back, and together we had gone out to the home of the pancake.
It was all Valentines Day decorations at the Ihop when we got there. I looked at the decorations with all the little hearts on the windows and admired them as we went in. Karin went to get us both a table and I waited until she had gotten one. She finally went over to me and asked "Mommy?". I looked at her and asked what was it. She led me to the table and both of us sat down. Then Karin smiled over to me and said "Happy Valentines Day mommy" as I looked to see a plate of heart-shaped two-stack pancakes came to our table. I blinked a bit and found myself smiling, thinking that was sweet of my daughter to order me breakfast... Karin giggled happily and asked if I was happy, which I definitely was. Before I cut my pancakes, I had decided to take a picture of it with my phone, as Karin had hugged me happily in the picture I had taken. Then I ate my breakfast happily.
As I was enjoying my breakfast, Karin had handed something to me while saying "Mew, Happy Valentines Day, mommy" with a smile. I looked up to her, then down at what she was handing to me. It was a small box she had possibly hidden. I smiled at her and thanked my daughter as I took the box from her and carefully opened it to see what was inside... It was a music box that she made out of wood. I opened the music box, and it had actually played music, which was our favorite song, "Lilium". I stared happily down at this gift and then smiled up to Karin before slowly hugging her closely into an embrace. She hugged me back and let me finish my breakfast, and I thanked her for ordering it for me. She nodded happily and said happily that her mama was welcome and hugged me again. I smiled at this and hugged her back before leaving the tip for the food, and Karin followed me out with the music box in hand and asked where we were going now. I thought for a moment but couldn't think of where to go, so I guessed we were going back home for now.  Both of us entered the house and she went upstaurs to her room. I tipped my head curiously and walked up the stairs to Karin's room and walked in to find her laying on her bed. I asked if something was wrong, and she looking up and replied with "Huh...? Oh, no mom..." and smiled at me before closing her eyes. I reached over to stroke her hair a bit. I knew she was possibly pretending to be tired knowing my daughter...but I didn't really care. I just wanted to check to make sure she was okay. I stared at her for a moment and sat on her bedside for a bit while thinking. I felt I wanted to go out with Sora that night, but I felt I wanted to go and buy a nice red dress for that... I told Karin what I thought and she asked if it was for myself. I replied yes and offered her to come with me to pick one out, but she said she wanted to stay home. I blinked a bit and nodded slowly before getting up and walked out of the room before setting out to buy myself a red dress at the mall.
Karin had been like this for four hours when I came back from the mall. I walked into her room and paused, then saw her pillow was soaked wet. Karin was silent, but I saw she had been crying... I asked her why she was crying and became worried about her. She didn't say anything at first and walked up to her bedside and sat down next to her asking her again what was wrong. She murmured in her sleep that Valentines Day was nearly over with an "eh...". I saw she was sad by this and reached over to hug her, telling her she was at least loved. She murmured "yeah..." and kept laying there as she looked over to the "Lilium" music box she made for me. I went and opened the music box and listened to "Lilium" as I sat there with Karin, who suddenly got up and walked out of the house. I wondered where she was heading off to and decided to follow her as I became deeply concerned for her. I followed Karin to where The Lake was and found her sitting there. As I walked over to her and sat with her, she just looked away from me. I asked her again what was wrong while trying to make her feel better, but she said it was nothing and looked at the time before saying it was only three more hours for Valentines Day for me and just walked off. I called out for her again, and she asked what was it as she tried not to choke up. I went up and hugged her closely, telling her to remember that I loved her and I was always there for her, and she, as my daughter, was one of the most important values in my life... Karin was silent as she heard what I said to her, then turned away and walked off crying again... I just watched her with concern and wondered why she was like this. Maybe it was because she was alone... Karin is bi as we know, and I hope she finds someone she loves... maybe it was just that. I just stood there feeling sympathy for her and just stared down at my reflection in the water before letting out a faint sigh...
Later on I put on my new strapless red dress with red heeled shoes with roses on the thong I had bought for myself, then my puppy Nyu came running in happily with his tail wagging. I bent down to pick him up and cuddled him while saying "Awww... you want a Valentine, Nyu?" I giggled and nuzzled his soft fur with my cheek. I set him down and smiled at him before taking something out and giving it his Valentine to him, which was a red heart-shaped squeak toy. He happily took it and ran off to play with it, and I looked back in the mirror, then smiled at the cute red rose on the side of the dress. I smiled at my reflection but thought for a moment. I just thought about Karin and wondered how she was doing and sighed before looking down at the thought. Suddenly I heard the door open from downstairs and perked up, knowing it was Sora back home. I walked out of the room as he called from downstairs. I smiled and stood from the top of the stairs and welcomed him home before coming down slowly in my new red dress. He whistled at this and smiled up to me before wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. I giggled and did the same as I walked down from the stairs and swayed my tail before walked up to him and hugging his waist as I leaned closer for a kiss. I felt his warm lips embrace mine as I wrapped my tail around his waist while we deepened our kiss. Finally we broke apart and he was holding something in his hand. He handed me a bouquet of lovely red roses he had gotten just for me. I smiled happily and took the bouquet before taking a deep sniff at the fragrance of the roses, then leaned over again and gave him another kiss as we held each other close. I leaned over more into him as I held up one foot behind me while standing on the other foot I shifted my weight on. We broke our kiss again and I nuzzled his nose while listening to him start to purr. I smiled up to him and poked his cute nose and said I had made us a nice dinner for this evening. It was all set on the table in the dining room. I led him there and showed him the plates of steak shaped like a heart I cooked with mashed potatos and salad on the side and glasses of iced tea. In the middle of all was a candle. Sora smiled at this and was becoming hungry from the steak as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down with him. I held up my glass of iced tea and wanted to share a toast which was to us and touched my glass with Sora's before I sipped mine and we both ate our dinner together. We both finished our dinner together, so I decided to bring out the dessert, which was chocolate pudding with heart-shaped cookies I made, which we both enjoyed also. Then, as I giggled, I dipped my finger into my pudding and snudged some on the tip of Sora's nose, who wailed playfully "Nuuu!". I laughed some more at this and smudged some on his cheek and licked it off before giving it a kiss. Sora purred again and both of us finished our pudding together, especially on each other also!
So we finished our pudding, and I decided maybe we could go to the park for a nice evening walk. Sora smiled and agreed to do so, and both of us walked out the door into the beautiful evening with holding hands and made our way to the park, which was blossoming with red roses which I admired. We strolled through the park together as the faint breeze flowed through my hair and Sora's quills. It was a nice feeling for us. I had seen the city, Alexandria City (where Karin found Nyu), in the distance once we had gotten to the benches and thought it was a beautiful view behind the trees, especially with the brightly neon-colored lights lit up within the city. I sat myself down on the bench and smiled as I patted the spot next to me, offering Sora to sit. He sat down next to me and I cuddled up to him while he placed one arm around me. I purred for a while as we snuggled each other on the bench, but then Sora turned and reached down for something. I perked my head up and watched what he was doing with confusion, and saw as he turned back to me and placed a beautiful red rose in my hair. I blushed and giggled at this, seeing it actually matched with the rose dress I was wearing. I turned my head to Sora and gazed into his dark sapphire blue eyes with my emerald-jade green ones. The beautiful moon lit in the evening sky made his eyes twinkle like the blue ocean. I told him I loved him, and he said the same. I told him I loved him more, but he denied and said he loved me more. Both of us playfully tickled each other (though Sora wasn't ticklish at all like he always isn't) and kept saying one of us loved the other more. I curled my tail around Sors and brought him close and I leaned up until our lips met each other again, and we both shared our lovable kiss underneath the moonlight as my hair flowed like ocean waves. The rose also looked beautiful in my hair as we both stayed under the moon and held each other close... I love Sora so much, more than anything in this whole world as I had said before. He always makes me happy, and I do the same to him. This day is very special to us, because for one thing, both of us got to spend our time together, which is something I love doing. It was gettting late, though... Sora took my hand and both of us headed home together as the moon kept shining in the sky and gave our fur a tint of silver. We stepped back into the house and he said he was tired. I stepped up to him and said he could go upstairs to bed if he wanted, but I wanted to give him something first... a goodnight's kiss. I wrapped my arms around him and both of us shared our last kiss for the day before he went upstairs to bed. I smiled and felt very happy as I swayed my tail from the feeling. I stood there and thought, then something came back to mind. Karin. I went up the stairs and went into her room, only to find it deserted, I tipped my head with confusion and turned to leave, wondering if she was by The Lake again... I went out of the house into the night with my dress still on and the rose in my hair as I made my way to possibly where Karin was.
I tried to find her, but she wasn't around the area. I started to feel concerned and kept searching for my daughter...until I heard crying from somewhere. I looked around quickly and saw a cave. I twitched my ear and turned it towards the direction of the crying as I listened closely. I seemed to have came from the cave, and I knew it was Karin's crying... Then something in mind came... I realized suddenly that I possibly knew what she had been crying about... Today had been the day that her real and deceased father, Matsui Koyoshi, had been born, and also how her grandparents abused her. I looked down sadly from the thought as I ddin't want to think about it, and I felt it must have been hard for her, and I thought of my own mother as well... The crying kept continuing, and I slowly entered inside the cave, which was her private area whenever she needed time alone. I tried looking for her, but knowing Karin, she was a good hider. So was I, but that wasn't the point. The point was that she was crying, and I hated to see (or in this case, hear) her cry. I called out her name, deeply concerned, and her crying became very more heavily. I heard it again but I still couldn't find her... I asked out where she was, but she replied she was in hell... I blinked and kept looking for her and tried to scent her, then suddenly found her hidden in an area that wouldn't been hard to find in the cave. She was huddled there as she kept crying to herself with her tail curled around her. I suddenly became deeply worried as she was saddened and said that Valentine's Day was over. It was midnight by then...  but I said it wasn't really over... She looked away and said it was midnight in a soft but sorrow-filled voice. I told her I wanted to show her something, and she perked up a bit and asked like what it was, wiping her tears away and looked up at me. I smiled at her and told her to come and I would show her. She kept looking at me, still kind of said, but smiled anyways and accepted my offer. I smiled and walked out of the cave with her while hoping that she would cheer up. I made my way to a garden with her and showed her lots of bgeautiful red roses I had grown for my daughter. But I told her that we had to see this from a higher place, like a tree. I climbed up a tree with Karin, who was still silent and followed me up the tree silently but she had still been sad over all... We looked down at the roses which were in place to read something. The roses outside were in the shape of a big heart, while the ones inside were lined up to spell a message, which had read: "Love you -Mom". I smiled at my daughter and told her Happy Valentines day. Karin's eyes widened and pulled my closely to her as she cried into me. I felt happy she loved her gift and just wrapped my arms around her while stroking her back before falling asleep in the tree with her...
It was two hours later after midnight (I know it wasn't Valentines Day anymore, but this entry is about yesterday, that is why I put yesterday's date). I was half asleep by then and then woke up to find Karin....still crying for a good two hours. I blinked with surprise at this and asked why she was still crying. (She's good...). I looked down at Karin as she breathed heavily in her sleep, so I tried helping her by patting her back. Then she woke up a bit and said "Mommy...?" before sadly looking at the roses again. I looked at her again, and she said she wished I could've just paid her back for celebrating Valentines Day with me and climbed down the tree before going to the house. I climbed down after her and went in the house with her. I followed her upstairs into her room and told her I spent a few days before growing this just for her, because that was how much she was family to me, and my family is important to me, especially. She turned around and held me closely as she said said I didn't have to do that for her, but I hugged her back and claimed I wanted to, because that's how much she's important. I told her I love her, daddy loves her, and I smiled and watched our puppy Nyu come up happily with his new heart squeak toy I gave to him earlier for Valentines Day and told Karin even Nyu loves her. I saw Karin smile a bit at him but I could tell she was still kind of sad for being alone for a while... We both watched as Nyu stood up on his hind legs and wagged his little tail as he held his squeak toy for her to play with him. Karin had smiled a little and took it from him, then tossed it out of the room before he happily chased after it. I watched him outside of the room as he took it as it squeaked before coming back to Karin while he wagged his tail. Karin chuckled a bit at this and bent over to take it from Nyu, then tosses it again before looking over to me silently. As Nyu ran after his new toy again, I looked back at her and felt a bit sad, but offered her some heart cookies. She was still silent but nodded slowly and softly before I got up and walked past Nyu, who was playing with his toy but looked up over to me with confusion as he stayed there. I went downstairs and went into the kitchen to take the plate of left over heart cookies from what I had shared with Sora earlier before, and went back upstairs with it back to Karin's room. Nyu perked up and stood as I went past him again before following me back into the room, leaving his squeak toy out in the hall. I slowly sat beside her on the bed and gave her the plate before asking if she was okay. She just sat there and nodded sadly as she took one cookie and ate it. I watched her silently before saying she should get some sleep, this way she will feel better in the morning. She softly replied with "Okay mommy" and settled in bed with her usual clothes. She then looks at my new dress I had gotten and silently dozed off into a deep sleep. Nyu came in and hopped up onto the bed with Karin as I smiled down at her and stroked her hair before standing up and walking out of the bedroom, while Nyu stayed behind and settled in bed beside her before placing his head slowly onto his paws and slowly closing his eyes.
Sora, Karin, and Nyu are my family. I love them with all that my heart gives, because as I had said, my family is important to me in every way. Karin, being my daughter, is one of them. She makes me happy all the time, and she never lets me down. I love her, and I am glad that she is our adopted child, and someday, I hope that she will find someone who will treat her like gold. Nyu is also another value. He was found by Karin as we all know, but I will never give him up. He is my close little companion and I take him almost everywhere I go for a little adventure. He is always by my side and he will never leave it for sure. And Sora... he is very important, most of all. Ever since I met him, I just felt happy inside. I felt very guilty when I had to leave him by then. I won't tell why, because I hate to talk about it, but I'm pretty sure you know by now since the very first entry I had written. I will always be with Sora, and I had, do, and always will love him all my life. And you're stupid to turn your back on something as important as...love. That is a quote from the Valentine's Day movie I was watching this morning, and I strongly agree, because from what I feel, I feel the same towards my whole family.

Yours Truly,
~Ashez